


Ascension

by polarNoboriryu



Category: Original Work
Genre: Academia, England - Freeform, F/F, F/M, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Magic, Occult, Original Character(s), Other, Science Fiction, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Transgender, Werewolf, Witch - Freeform, esoteric, magician, magick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-12 09:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10487835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polarNoboriryu/pseuds/polarNoboriryu
Summary: There are things just beyond our perceptions that influence the paths of our lives. As the world waits on a precipice; what influences the future lays deep in our collective past....Diane always knew her path intercepted with those who would change the world. Ever since she met Alexa, she knew their paths were locked for better or worse. After years apart from friends and family, a divine vision sends her told a bold and risky future.A witch who walks a path of her choosing with no destination.A scientist on the verge of a discovery that could change everything.A magician who's pride drives him to learn untold secrets.An engineer haunted by one bad night in London.And the spirits that have watched and waited from just beyond the edge - who will push humanity to our ultimate potential.





	1. Keep Faith

**Author's Note:**

> This is an original work, not related to any fandom. I'm looking to improve my writing and would love feedback.

The heavy wooden door softly shut behind her as she stepped onto the arcade. She took a moment to check the handle to make sure the door was locked and shifted her large tote bag up onto her shoulder. It was late, later than she had intended to leave by. This part of campus was quiet and still; the large courtyard empty of students and all the lights were off. She took a deep breath and savored the fresh night air. There was a subtle chill that reminded her how hot the buildings on campus got during the day. 

She started to walk away from the door, reaching in her tote for car keys when she paused. She was about to step down into the courtyard. From where she stood in the shadow of the arcade she could see the courtyard lit by moonlight and stray streetlamp light, but as she looked around a thick cloud passed and everything went suddenly darker. The breeze halted. She could no longer hear the distant sound of water fountains from the other surrounding quads. She closed her eyes and took a deep, silent breath before opening them once more. 

She took two swift steps back into the shadow of the arcade, making no noise. She turned and began walking swiftly perpendicular to her original path. Timing, not speed, was of the essence. Any prey knows when to run and when to hide that you know the predator is watching. A few more steps…

More by feeling than by sight she reached out to an elaborately and beautifully carved and gilded wooden door. She placed her right palm flat against the middle and the lock clicked softly, swinging the door open slowly. She slipped inside and tested the door to ensure it locked behind her. She moved away and gently pushed open another set of doors into the church and began moving down the main aisle.

This church was beautiful. The architecture reflected heavy Spanish influence, with the round shape hinting at Moorish inspiration. During the day, gold glittered on many surfaces and the numerous stained glass windows reflected upon breath-taking ceiling murals. Now though, it was dark and empty and one could barely see the altar ahead.

“Did you really think you could find sanctuary here?” a low voice called from all directions. “That is not like you, Diane.”

The woman paused before the altar. “It’s also not like you to do your own dirty work. Should I feel honored?”

The low voice chuckled, appearing to come from nowhere and everywhere. “I am glad you have developed some sense of humor. Pleasantries aside, however, I do wonder at a witch like you running into a House of God when you smell trouble.”

Diane stepped onto the dias. She kept her face as calm as possible as her mind raced for possibilities and paths. “You think I burst into flames or something? You believe your own rumors?” She was buying time, and not much. She could be safe, possibly, but she was also trapped.

“We have been watching you, Diane. I am surprised, and disappointed, that you have not noticed. Perhaps you are rusty? It does not matter, really.” There, she thought, the voice was coming from the center aisle now. “But it has been, at some points, an interesting study. How you seem to have worked your way into such good graces here.” 

Diane felt her heart skip. “Ah, yes,” the voice was close now, calling from just out of sight. “You have worked very hard, studied diligently, and your tenacity for knowledge is admirable. Like a child, you eagerly pursue your passion because -finally- the desired goal is attainable. You have esteemed colleagues, eager students of your own, and a few choice and worthy friends…” the voice was less than five feet away now, and came from a physical form.

Something stirred in her chest and her fingers twitch slightly. “Did you think that this was all -your- doing?” the voice was low again, dripping, “did you imagine you are here for any other reason other than that we have permitted it?”

“You-?” her voice broke.

“Yes! We paved your way. Now it is time to return the favors granted. Time for some new potential.”

Diane shivered. “If I refuse?” A bit closer--

The form stepped into a faint shaft of light from a window and she saw the source of the voice. She saw the grin of a predator, fangs flashing and unnaturally white. Her breath caught. “You can always refuse. But we will take another. We will take her and use her instead.”

“I thought so,” she said, her voice calm. Diane whispered a word and it roared through the church as the form in front of her jerked. Below the voice a circle of silvery light burned bright and the form began to hiss and keen and writhe. “I was aware you were watching. Now I know your true purpose.”

The form lashed out with teeth and snarling. The light from the circle she had waiting from day one flared bright. “You think you are so clever?” the trapped form was shifting, slipping from one shape to another. “It is too late! We will have our way. Even now--” and then it was gone.

The light faded with a wave of her hand, which shook. Diane knew there were more of them. Like cockroaches, if there was one there were hundreds. Reaching into her bag and pulling out a water bottle she gulped water and then willed her body to cease trembling. These past few months had been a very bold gamble. A predator stalks prey by hiding its presence until it strikes. A good predator knows it is also prey in the end. 

She shoved the water bottle away and took a shaking step off the altar. Diane knew they were watching her. The spirits and her own instincts warned her long ago. She knew also that while the good luck streak she experienced on her way to this university was not their working. She was meant to be here, now, for other reasons she wasn’t sure of but she had faith. As her now sturdy legs carried her out the back door of the church to the garden beyond, she knew that was what she had to hold onto now more than ever. She paused briefly to pick and offer a flower to a statue of Mary by the entrance to the garden. She had to keep faith.


	2. A Burning, Blinding Light

The faint vibration from her phone didn’t wake her, but the sudden and loud banging on her door did. She jerked up, surprised that she had fallen asleep anyway. What time was it? She blinked a few times into the blue light of her computer monitor; 3:16 a.m. “What?”

The banging again. A muffled voice full of panic from the hallway, “Alexa! Let me in! Please!” Alexa lept up from the computer chair and crossed quickly to the room door.

“Parvati?” Alexa asked, as she opened the door.

“Yes! Please! Let me in before he comes back!”

Alexa tensed, “what happened?”

“Please,” Parvati sobbed, tears starting to fall, “just let me in! I’m so scared!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alexa motioned her in and shut the door. “What happened? You know my door is unlocked, right?”

Parvati stood in the kitchenette, shivering. “Hey, sit down,” Alexa said softly, shoving some clean laundry aside off her small sofa. Parvati nodded and sat down. “Did something happen? Wasn’t Scott supposed to come over and--?” but Parvati curled up and covered her face with her hands. Alexa stopped and stood there for a moment, a creeping dread building in her gut. “Parvati… did he do something?”

She shook her head. “No, I mean, h-he tried. Oh God, this is all my fault.” Alexa watched as Parvati halted and a stream of half sentences clamoured out of her. Scott was a mutual friend, that he would even try anything. Alexa started to pull towards the door. “No!” Parvati grabbed her hand. “No, please, not now!” Alexa stopped. Her hand was cold and it startled Alexa. Parvati pulled slightly until Alexa sat down on the sofa next to her.

After a few long, quiet moments, Alexa asked if she or they should call someone. Parvati’s alarmed expression stopped that line. More silence passed and Parvati’s breathing started to even out. “I’m- I’m sorry. I think I’m over reacting. I just… I just freaked out and didn’t know where else to go.” 

Alexa gently slipped an arm around the other girl’s shoulder. Parvati looked small next to her, but almost everyone looked small next to Alexa. “Don’t be sorry,” she said softly. The smaller girl leaned into Alexa.

A quiet time passed between them. Alexa wanted to say something, but she didn’t want to say the wrong thing. Parvati was so cold leaning next to her. “Do you need a blanket? You’re freezing,” she asked finally. Parvati shook her head and her long, dark hair fell over her face. Was she using a new shampoo? It smelt so nice. How had Alexa not noticed it before? Why was she noticing it now?

The phone in her pocket vibrated again. Alexa wondered why so many people were trying to contact her tonight. Was something else going on? She realized with a jolt that something was off. “It’s Thursday, right?” 

Parvati looked up at her, confused, but nodded. “Oh shit, where is Diane? She was supposed to come over for help with-” Alexa started to reach into her pocket but stopped when Parvati gently lay her hand on hers. “She probably just forgot. You know how she is.” 

As Parvati’s hand lingered on her own, Alexa suddenly realized how close they were. Her arm was still around Parvati’s shoulder, and she had leaned over to place her hand on Alexa’s. She was looking up at her now. In the soft glow of the computer monitor feet away her eyes looked like dark pools.

“I knew I could come to you. I know we haven’t known each other all that long but… I always feel safe with you.”

Alexa felt her heart beat solidly in her chest. This was too close. Way too close. Her girlfriend sprang to mind, front and center and Alexa started to pull away. “I’m glad you think that but-”

With a very swift movement Parvati slid easily into the taller girl’s lap. The speed threw Alexa off, causing her to tense and freeze for a moment in disbelief. “Shh,” Parvati whispered. “Relax.”

“Parvati.”  
“Hmm?” she asked, her face in shadow now that the blue light came from behind her.  
“Get off. Now.” Her tone was angry.

“Sorry, but I’m can’t.” She leaned in, a hum to her voice that was not there before. “You’re too warm to let go. Too good a catch, too high a bounty.” She slid until her thighs were on either side of Alexa’s and sighed as she wiggled her hips slightly. “Plus, I’ve never had one like you before.”

The hair on the back of Alexa’s neck prickled. Something was wrong. She couldn’t move. She realized suddenly, too late, that she was cold. This girl was so petite she could and should easily move her, though she didn’t want to hurt her, but she trapped anyway.

“It’s ok,” Parvati hummed as her faced came not a breath’s distance away. “If you fight it will only hurt you. But,” a soft giggle left her lips, “if you relax I guarantee you’ll like it too. I can make the last moments the best--”

The door burst open and silver light flooded the whole room. Parvati shrieked and pulled away. Instinctively, Alexa pushed, dislodging that other girl. The weight was gone and she leapt up. The light subsided and she blinked rapidly, trying to see in the darkness again.

“Alexa?! Are you ok?” a familiar voice asked.   
“Diane?”  
“Yeah,” she replied, a hint of relief in her voice. “Can you get the light?”

Alexa blinked but could not see very well. She stumped until she felt a light switch and flicked it on. It took long and painful moments before her vision adjusted. “Close the door please Alexa.” Numbly, she shut the door to her small one-room apartment. 

“Thanks,” Diane said. She was holding Parvati by a fistfull of hair, or rather, something that looked like Parvati. In the full light of the overhead lights, Alexa saw something that left her cold. It hissed a screeched but Diane didn’t let go.

Alexa looked directly at Diane. The short, solid and brown haired woman met her gaze and Alexa saw there a pleading that made her stomach drop. “I know you’ve got a bunch of questions, but right now I just need you to believe what I say. There’s still time to get Parvati back.”

At this, the thing clutched in Diane’s grip stopped moving and laughed. “Oh, is that what you think? HA!” It turned to Alexa. “Don’t trust her. I maybe a liar but I’m at least honest in my deception.” Diane glared down at it and shook it by the scalp. “Don’t damage the goods, witch!”

Alexa glanced back to Diane. Questions ran through her mind but she let them fall aside. No one ever got their friendship. When they met in high school Diane had shown nothing but disdain for Alexa’s teasing humor. Diane appeared too shy, quiet, and serious for Alexa’s other friends, but somehow it had happened. Like opposites attracting, like the pull of gravity, they clicked. 

“What do we need to do?” Alexa asked finally. Diane gave her faint smile, and took a deep breath.

“Do you have that necklace I gave you for your birthday still?” She nodded. “Good, I’ll need that. Also, salt.”

“Really? Salt?” the thing asked incredulously.   
“Just ignore what it says. In fact, maybe some duct tape, too.”  
“Ooh? Kinky,” it replied.

Alexa tossed both items to Diane. The necklace was wire-wrapped smokey quartz on a silver chain that Diane had gifted to her a few months ago. It was pretty, but Alexa wondered what it meant now. Diane slid the necklace over it’s head while speaking softly something incomprehensible. It hissed and snapped, as if the thing burned it. Once Diane stopped speaking, it appeared dazed and quiet. Diane grabbed the salt with her other hand, and also began whispering as she slowly poured it in a circle around herself and the stunned thing. As she brought the beginning to the end, she suddenly let go of it’s hair and swiftly step out of the circle and sealed it. The form lay limp in the center of the circle of salt.

Diane leaned against the wall and slid down until she hit the floor and closed her eyes. Alexa came over to her but hesitated. “Are you..?”  
Diane opened her eyes and gave her friend a small smile. “I’ll be fine. Been a long night. Had to deal with a similar pest on my way here. It’s contained for now,” she said, nodding to the limp form in the circle. “Just don’t break the barrier.”

“Is that… really Parvati?”

Diane shook her head. “Unfortunately, she’s a host right now. A spirit that deals mostly in temptation and desire. Probably got to her through Scott, I’m guessing.”

“Are you saying she possessed or something?”

“Not in an Exorcist kinda way, but something similar. This kind needs energy of a host and prey to survive. The longer they sit in you the harder it is to get ‘em out. They’re particularly nasty for people who have strong bonds. Probably why they went after her to-” Diane stopped and bit her lip.

“To what?” Alexa asked softly.

“I’ll bring you to speed afterwards. Just please believe me and we can get it out.” Diane went to push herself off the ground and Alexa offered her a hand to help. “This is gonna take some time.” Diane looked down at the prone body and her brow furrowed. “Fuck. I could normally do this if I hadn’t been so flashy in the church, stupid.”

“What happened in the church?”

Diane sighed. She went to pour herself a glass of water and drank deeply. “I banished one of them, a cousin of sorts to this,” waved in their captive’s direction, “but it took a lot out of me to do it so completely. I don’t know if I can get back to par before it’s too late. Especially after the flash to break her hold on you.”

Alexa looked at Diane and realized she was trembling. She looked more exhausted than usual. She was downing another glass of water, her eyes glazed over in thought. Diane always, especially now as a new PhD student, had a tendency to begin conversations but forget to keep speaking and losing herself in her head. Some people thought it was rude or eccentric, but Alexa found it a relief. People rarely knew when to be quiet and filled the air with constant noise in order to sound smart. Diane just wandered off.

Diane was now holding an empty glass to her lips, staring into space. Despite the strangeness of the circumstances, Alexa couldn’t help smiling. She gently reached out and lowered the other girl’s hand and took the cup to refill it. Diane blinked and her eyes refocused at the slight touch of their hands. When Alexa handed her the refilled cup she was looking at her with a hard, scrutinizing look. “I have a bad idea, but it may be all we can do.”

“When you put it that way I’m all ears.”

She bit her lip, but met Alexa’s gaze. “Doing spirit work takes energy, sometimes a lot of it. Usually, the best source is a person’s inner light. I don’t have time to really get into it, but think of it was the driving force behind all living things. Like any energy source it needs to be recharged when used too much. I could normally do a working like this, but I’m spent. You, however, are fresh as a daisy.”

Alexa did not feel fresh at all, but she wasn’t trembling like Diane was. She nodded her understanding. “I really wouldn’t propose his sort of thing, but Parvati deserves better. I could, potentially, channel -your- light and use that to pull it out of her.”

“I take it there’s a price involved in this scenario?” Alexa asked.

A small, appreciative smile played on Diane’s lips. “I knew there’s a reason I put up with you. Yeah, it’s dangerous and risky. I’ve only done this a couple times, and in much more controlled conditions. There will be long term consequences, many of them unpleasant.” She paused and glanced over her shoulder to their captive. Almost more to herself, Diane added, “there’s no going back after this.”

Alexa knew Diane wasn’t being melodramatic. She felt small for a moment. It felt as if the world was moving around them, gears clanking and whirring in an unstoppable, fathomless design. There was much more going on than she could conceptualize in this moment. But, she would face this like she faced everything that stood in her way. “What do we need to do?”

Diane turned back to face Alexa. She knew that tone in her friend's voice. Knew that steel in those green eyes. Diane felt admiration and affection warm her chest. No, there is no going back. The never was. She knew, just as she did when they first met, she would follow this woman beyond the edges of the earth… and if they were all very lucky, back again.

Diane finished her water and gently placed the glass on counter. “Right. Normally under better conditions we’d have a better set up. Wards, salt, herbs, so many circles. But we don’t have access to that. This will need to be hard and fast.” She motioned for them to sit down on the floor, by Parvati, facing each other. “This is often conceptualized as magic but really it behaves, in some ways, like science. Like very unruly science.” She took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes, Alexa watched, curious. She’d seen Diane do this many times before, usually when she was anxious and around a lot of people. She always thought of it as a coping technique, now she wondered what it actually meant. 

Diane stopped trembling. Her back straightened and her muscles relaxed. For all intents and purposes it looked like she was starting a yoga routine. Diane opened her eyes again and Alexa blinked. Diane could be spacey, but this was a new level. It looked like the lights were on and no one was home. It was eerie.

Diane reach out and gently grasped Alexa’s hands, guiding them until her hands gently held hers in the space between them. Alexa didn’t flinch. Diane moved her gaze from their hands to Alexa’s face and with those glazed over eyes meeting her’s she began to speak softly.

“I’m the forest wanderer, neither lost nor found. I walk a path of my choosing where there is no destination. I walk through the trees, predator and prey. I am the mountain and river. I pass through light and shade, revelling in the cycles of birth, death, and birth again. I’m the reflection of moonlight on the surface of dark waters, and the unseen lake bottom. I’m Diane. Who are you?”

When she stopped it was like the person you walked beside suddenly stops and Alexa felt like she tripped. Alexa could see it now. They weren’t on her floor in her apartment. They were in a deep, thick forest. She could smell the rich, damp earth. She could hear a breeze rustle leaves on branches and leaves fluttered around them. It was night but it was easy to see. She felt large and small things moving around them in between trees. And she saw Diane, sitting knee-to-knee with her. She looked different but entirely the same. A soft, shy smile shone on her face. It was the look of someone showing their hardest work, their most beloved project. Alexa grinned in return.

“This takes a lot of practice and control. This is usually how people train to get to their light. Everyone has it, even uses it unconsciously. But to use it with purpose and intention is something that takes awhile to get the knack for. But when you do, this can be a great source of strength.”

“Is this where you go when you’re spacing out?”

Diane grinned. “You see right through me. Yeah. It’s not always easy but it helps. But, we’re not here for me. I wanted to show this because in order for us to use your energy, you need to see me and I need to see you. If it helps, you can picture a place. Somewhere familiar from a memory or dream. I don’t want to rush but we’re on a time crunch. So, Alexa, who are you?” Alexa paused, feeling suddenly on the spot. “You don’t have to vocalize it,” Diane said softly. “You can close your eyes if it helps. You lead and I’ll follow.”

Who was she? Alexa’s mind raced. She felt Diane give her hands a reassuring squeeze. Who was she? Alexa let her eyes close and the forest melted away. Maybe she should follow Diane’s lead. 

She heard the far off sound of the surf. She felt pulled towards and let herself go to it. Below her feet the ground was soft and giving. It was sand. She felt the surf flow around her ankles and she smiled. Opening her eyes she found herself on a beach, a familiar one. In the distance she saw something shining bright against the horizon, she started to move towards it, curiously. Distantly she was aware of someone walking beside her, but the reflection in the distance help most of her attention.

I’m the sand where the ocean meets the shore. I am the waves that crash against the cliffs, the force of change that wears away obstructions in my path. I am the changing shore, shifting with the tides. She was walking towards the glimmer on the horizon. I am the clear sky. The sun shone brightly here, and the distance was closing between her and the horizon. She saw it now. I am the city above the sea. I am the change of time. I am unlimited potential. I am the roar of the ocean that will wash all else away-

A gentle tug stopped her. Alexa blinked and looked for the source and found Diane clutching her hand. The look of awe, shock, and terror on Diane’s face made Alexa curious. “I-I always knew… but… damn,” she whispered, eyes wide at the sight of the shining city. “It’s so beautiful.” She looked pale here, like someone had washed out her colors. Was something wrong? Alexa turned more towards her… “No! It’s ok. This… this is right.” She pulled her gaze away from the city and back to Alexa. “I guess I wasn’t as ready as I thought. But we need to get this done.”


	3. A Passing Shadow

They were now standing on the edge of an open forest. It reminded Alexa of the coastal foothills where they both lived now. They are on the side of a mountain and she could still hear and see the surf beyond. She liked this place, but she wanted to go back to the city.

A noise brought her back. Diane led her to the source. It was their captive in a circle of salt on the forest floor. It looked very little like Parvati here. It paced like a caged tiger, grinning at them. “You’re nearly spent, witch. You don’t scare me,” it hissed. 

Diane ignored the thing and looked up at Alexa. “This’ll be the hard part.” Diane bent down and started tracing symbols into the dirt just outside the salt circle. She tried to focus her mind, but she was getting so tired. She didn’t want to admit that she was shaken by the blinding city. The captive snapped and Diane refocused. Now was not the time. As she worked, she focused on the symbols; their meaning and their wisdom. The strength of the ages.

“She will be the end, you know.” The captive whispered to Diane. “We’ve been waiting so long and now it’s inevitable.” Diane ignored it. “But who are we kidding? You do know it. You really do know now what she’s capable of, oh yes, and she’s got the will to do it, too. A great combination, don’t you think?” It giggled and whispered even lower, inches away and only barely contained. “She’ll burn you up, too. You know it. You’re a real masochistic sort, hm? She’ll burn you and you will beg for more until there’s nothing left. We won’t be so different then.” Diane gave no hint of responding. She finished the last symbol, tracing it with a shaking hand. “Shall I save you a seat? I’ll show you the ropes.”

“Finished,” Diane said standing and clapping her hands once. 

Alexa was looking away, towards the sound of the ocean. She could see the glimmer beyond and it eased her. Diane stood beside her and smiled. “It is beautiful. But don’t let it always distract you. If you dwell on it too long, you’ll be lost to it and waste away.” Alexa looked down at Diane. “C’mon. We need to get Parvati back.” 

Alexa followed Diane and they both crouched down. Diane told her that she would direct the energy to the intention of the signs. This would cast out the thing and leave Parvati free. Alexa nodded. “Like directing electricity through wires and then programing it through a computer.”

Diane smiled, her eyes lighting up. “Pretty much.” She looked down and ignored the things hissing at them that it wouldn’t work. She hesitated. Alexa’s light was so strong and raw, could she really channel it? She had to try. Parvati was a good person and deserved a chance. Diane held out her left hand, the receiving hand, and placed the right one on the first sign. She could do this. She had to keep faith.

At first Alexa wasn’t sure what to do, but she felt a pulling sensation inside her chest as Diane took hold of her. She resisted initially, but with a reassuring glance from Diane, she relaxed and, always curious, followed the sensation. 

Diane spine straightened as the warmth flooded her. She couldn’t hold back a sigh as it filled her, like a warm golden light. She was on the shore of the beach, the sand cool and the sun bright and warming her skin. She let it flow as it pleased at first, watching to learn it’s nature. It was filling her quickly, almost too fast. She took a breath and started to pressure it with her will. And it started to burn.

She resisted pulling away with difficulty. It shifted from a gentle warmth to a steady heat in her and an inner voice called enough! Pull away! It was similar to the voice you hear when you know you’re doing something wrong and will hurt you; touching a stove top when the burner is on high or staring directly as the sun. The voice clamored but she focused. She could do this. She bent down on the heat and pushed it in the right direction, into the symbols. 

Golden light flooded around them. The captive screamed and it was different than before. If Diane wasn’t careful, this would hurt Parvati too. It was burning now, no longer radiating heat but the open flame. The trees around them splintered and cracked, the air whipped up thermal vents. Diane’s finger dug into the ground and she gritted her teeth. 

Alexa saw it too. The captive was rolling and screaming and it no longer hissed. It was in pain. She saw Diane pushing the light into the circle and it was like a living fire. She couldn’t understand. She felt amazing. She could do anything in this moment, Diane didn’t need to worry… 

It hurt so much. She was burning away and soon there’d be nothing left. She couldn’t do this. But she couldn’t stop. The pain was shifting as she directed it to her purpose, like having all her bones broken and reset to heal. She paused at this and wondered at it…

“Please!” It was Parvati. Diane jerked when she heard it, almost breaking contact with the work. “Please, I-I can’t anymore… it hurts,” she said and Alexa could see tears falling freely. “Stop!”

Alexa could see the thing clinging to Parvati now. It was a shadow. An undefined, lost fraction of a thing. Sad. Pathetic. It clung to Parvati in a last ditch effort to feel something, anything living. This parasite wouldn’t let go of her friend. Alexa went to pull the thing from her, how dare it hurt her?

“No!” Diane shouted. She tightened her grip. Alexa stopped. “‘S a trick,” Diane said, her voice raspy between gasps. “Trust me. I’ll survive this, spirit, but you won’t.” The thing’s malice shifted towards Diane. “I am a Northern woman. My bones are old and I’ll outlast all the storms of endless winters. Though the trees break at the weight of fire and ice, I am born again.” The light in the circle shimmered silver, mixing into a bronze where it was golden. “You will flee before me, a shadow without light.” It wavered and flickered, the dark thing clinging to Parvati. The new light flared, like the winter sun over a field of untouched snow. This thing melted away and Parvati collapsed onto the carpeted floor of Alexa’s apartment. And the light was gone.

It was 4:46 a.m. Alexa scooped up Parvati’s limp body and carefully took her back to her own apartment next door. Diane had reassured her that she would be ok with lots of rest. She may or may not remember what happened. In Parvati’s apartment, Alexa found an unconscious Scott and a movie playing on Parvati's laptop on the bed. It all looked so… normal. This was what was supposed to happen. She felt to detached from the scene. She lay Parvati on her bed and quickly left the apartment.

Diane was fast asleep on Alexa’s sofa when she returned. She looked small and frail. Alexa glanced around, and a small glimmer caught her eye. It was the necklace they’d used to incapacitate the thing. Alexa reached for it and examined it closely. It was a small light like the one the reminded her of a bright, snowy winter’s day she’d never even seen. She put it on her desk and sat on her bed. She wasn’t tired. Not even remotely. In fact, she itched to act, to do something. She looked at the stack of books on her desk, all the research she still needed to do.

“Go to bed, Alexa.” Diane’s voice was muffled, and her eyes closed. “Just lay down, you need to rest.” Alexa sighed, and followed her suggestion. She dreamed of the ocean and the city on the edge of the sea.

Diane lay awake. She looked asleep but her body ached and hummed still with energy. When Alexa had carried Parvati out, Diane had stood the shaking for a long moment, trying to breathe. It was still in her, that burning, blinding light. She shook with it, there was too much. Her heart pounded and her ears rang. She looked around desperately until she spotted the necklace on the floor. She grabbed and almost dropped it when her fingers wouldn’t work. She held it tight to her and pushed as much light into it as she could. It filled too quickly, but it took the edge off. She had fallen onto the sofa.

She heard Alexa’s breathing even out in sleep. She was relieved. She needed it too, desperately, but still the light hummed through her. Eventually, her breathing evened out. She let her body uncurl and her eyes close. It was no longer burning. It mellowed into the softest warmth and she sighed. She stretched and the felt the slow course of it through her, like blood through veins. She could get used to this. It was like taking a nap in the shade on a hot summer day. She felt her heartbeat slow, felt the ebb of low tide. She floated now. Some part of her watched this warily, the part of her she listened to as instinct. She drifted on this warm current. Her instinct whispered of the dangers of this, to remember the lessons of the past. But she was almost asleep now, and let her mind follow the warmth


	4. An Unwanted Elephant, Dismissed

“Coffee?” Diane asked, holding the coffee carafe in one hand while wielding a spatula in the other.

“You got cream?” 

She frowned and set the carafe down. Alexa smiled as she turned and opened her fridge. They had woken up with in the early morning and driven to her place. She lived just off campus, in a small single room apartment that somehow was smaller than Alexa’s school housing. Diane was always trying to get into campus housing, but no luck yet. Alexa thought this place suited her friend better anyhow. Diane had a way of really digging into a space, fussing about until a cozy nest formed in her living area. This small apartment in a worn old building fit her better than the clean, efficient, modern housing on campus.

Diane sighed, “nope, sorry. I really thought I did. Will milk be ok?” She pulled out a small container and swished it in Alexa’s direction. 

“Sure.”

Diane placed in in front of Alexa and went back to the burner. She moved the eggs, potatoes, and peppers around and took a sip of her own coffee. In the light spilling in from the small window above the sink, she looked tired, but somehow more present than usual to Alexa. The familiarity of breakfast had a lulling effect on her. The sizzling of the food in the pan, the smell of cheap coffee, Diane’s bed head and ‘house clothes’ (tattered pajamas she always changed into the moment she got home). This was how they spent at least two Saturdays a month for the past six months. Did all of the things that happened in those early morning hours really occur?

At last Diane slid her half of the scramble on Alexa’s plate and the other on her own. Diane slid the stool into place opposite and they sat eating in silence. It was a comfortable silence, but questions lingered around the edges of it. Neither appeared to really want to say anything.

“Parvati will be ok. I’ll put up some protection around her room and your building. It shouldn’t happen again.” Diane said finally, setting down her fork and reaching for her coffee.

“So it sometimes happens again?”

Diane gulped the hot liquid. She brought up her other hand and held the steaming mug just in front of her face. She was watching Alexa, forming an answer. Alexa knew Diane didn’t lie to her but sometimes she would side step an inconvenient truth. “Yeah. It sometimes happens multiple times. Like getting a virus that leaves you susceptible to catching it again. That usually only happens if the person lets it back in though. I doubt Parvati is like that.”

Alexa stared at Diane. “People let that happen? Why?”

“Is it really that surprising?” Diane took another sip. “Why do you think the spirit went for her in the first place? A predisposition for affection towards you. A chink in her armor. She got close to you right? Would that have happened under normal circumstances?” Alexa shook her head. “She acted different. She had power when she normally wouldn’t. The sad thing about it is that it probably wasn’t all the spirit’s doing.”

Alexa looked at Diane hard. Sometimes Diane could forget she was talking about real people. Diane lowered the mug. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not passin’ any judgement on her or anything. It’s… just how they manipulate people. Pain can force someone to make them do what you want. Threatening loved ones is another. But why do that when you can show a person what they want instead?” Diane’s gaze softened and she looked down into the coffee. “It’s often very effective.”

Alexa sighed. She tried to run a hand through her red hair but it got caught on a tangle. She frowned. “You knew it too, right?” 

“About her feelings?” Diane shrugged. “I suspected. It doesn’t surprise me.” Alexa looked down at the counter. “C’mon. You don’t brood.”

“I just hate it when that happens. Why do people keep doing it?”

Diane placed her mug down and refilled it. She propped her chin in one hand and leaned forward to rest the elbow on the counter. “It isn’t always your duty to push them away, either. If anything, I’ve always admired how clear you are about your boundaries. You don’t lead people on. I doubt I’d be able to keep that up if I were you.” She moved her hand away and shifted her weight on the stool. “Sometimes you just have to let people feel what they feel, even if it hurts them. Hell, they could even grow from it. They could end up surprising you and themselves.”

“Trials build character, eh?” Alexa moved to take another sip of coffee. 

Diane smiled in return. “It’s been known to happen.”

“So… you mentioned something about bringing me up to speed? Something about no going back?”

Diane leaned back and stretched. “Yeah, believe I did.” She stood and started clearing away their plates. Over the rush of water and whine of the sink, Diane explained why she was late that night and what occurred in the church. As she cleaned the counter, Alexa asked who they meant when it said they would take someone in her stead. Diane stopped cleaning and leveled an apologetic glance at her friend. “They meant you. I’d had a feelin’ about it for awhile. It’s… partially why I came out here.”

Alexa stood and moved to help clear away the rest of the dishes in Diane’s kitchen sink. Diane hesitated, wondering if her friend was going to be mad about any of this. She didn’t really think she would be, not exactly, but it was hard to shake that old paranoia and anxiety. She had trouble with believing she was a good friend, or even person, sometimes. This was mostly unfounded but it wasn’t a feeling she could rationalize away.

“You moved out here from England to be near me?” Alexa asked quietly, and the disappointment in her voice dug right into Diane’s fear. She stood stunned for a moment, but then she frowned and moved her hands to her hips in a way reminiscent of her mom and grandma in a way that would certainly embarrass her later. 

“So what if I did? Do you think you’d be the only reason? That I can’t have my own? Believe it or not I’m here for very selfish reasons, including some idea of your safety and well being. Maybe I came here for some piece of mind, to explore my own opportunities?” her voice was rising and she could feel angry tears coming, which only made her more angry.

Alexa stopped moving the dishes and turned back her friend. Diane looked very much like an angry, puffed up cat when she got mad. It might be funny in other circumstances. “Listen, Diane-”

“No, you listen. I’m not looking for pity or sympathy, especially not yours. I know what you’re thinking. My feelings for you drove me here. I’m some wayward girl snared in your net, throwing herself at you. Yeah, I care about you. I know I’ve told you I love you in the past and that you didn’t return the feeling. That since then you put a barrier between us. And you know what? I respected you for it. Not many other people would do that.” The tears were flowing now but she ignored them. “But, I hope you can get over yourself and realize that I’m more than capable of making my own choices and judgements, based on what I feel is important. I thought,” she said, her voice cracking, “that you, of all people, would respect me enough for it.”

Diane glared at Alexa and moved around her to reach for a paper towel, tearing it and angrily covered her face to mop up the mess. Alexa stared at Diane for a long, long time. Diane turned on the kitchen faucet and wet the paper towel to wipe her now red face. She wasn’t looking at her now. “Fuck,” Alexa said finally.

“Yeah,” Diane replied softly, “fuck. I really hoped that you would see me for who I am now instead of the silly girl I was when we met. Do you know how hard that was, to move here thinking maybe you wouldn’t? That maybe I’d fall back into old habits?” Diane looked up at her. “That you’d shut me out again and not trust me?”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Diane looked confused for a moment, she hadn’t expected that at all. “I owe you an apology. I jumped to a conclusion and that was wrong of me. Diane, I -have- noticed how different you are. When you told me you got in here and that you were coming, I was so proud of you. I could tell how hard you’ve been working these past few years. How you kept going even as doors slammed shut on you. I admit I was worried too, because I thought you were hoping for something else.” Alexa stepped close to Diane, who was eyeing her with disbelief. “I am really sorry.”

“Well, you should be. Jerk that you are. So full of yourself and how you hurt and crush people when they have feelings for you,” she huffed. “I don’t expect you too drop your guard or anything but when the shit hits the fan, and this is just the start,” she waved emphatically, indicating the world, “I need you to remember that I make my own choices now. I choose to be here. I accept that I care about you, that it’s a part of who I am, a part I like. So, can you accept that?”

For a moment, Alexa saw that high school girl again. Vulnerable, guarded, and sharing an intimate part of herself that few would ever see. She was waiting, exposed. But there was a difference, one Alexa couldn’t deny. No matter how Alexa responded, Diane would be alright. She would be hurt, but not crushed. She would continue to stand and fight. Diane was sure of herself. This wasn’t a plea for attention. This was the potential only glimpsed before. Diane did not flinch or waver, even as the moment stretched on. And Alexa smiled, then grinned, and in a quick movement pulled Diane close and hugged her tight.

Diane froze. _Fuck_ , she thought. _Oh fuck._ Her heart pounded and head spun with, relief? Anxiety? The sinking feeling of a path solidified? I’m in so much trouble, she thought as her arms wrapped around Alexa’s waist in return. But this is trouble I choose. She started to grin. She was on her own terms now. Come what may, she knew in her heart, gut, and soul that no one could convince her that she did this or anything else for anyone’s reasons or purposes other than her own. _I walk a path of my choosing where there is no destination._


	5. Too Good an Offer

“Cheers, mate! Or should I say Doctor?” He held his pint glass up to his friend and their glasses clinked. “Took you long enough!”

Tristan glared at his friend but let it slide. He took a long pull of his ale. It had taken long enough with his hiatus, but last week he’d finally successfully defended his dissertation.

His friend raised his glass a bit and cheered, “to new starts!” Tristan smiled and nodded. “I’m surprised more people didn’t show, mate.”

Tristan shook his head, “no you’re not. You know what people around here generally think of me now, Dean.”

Dean frowned but let it pass. “Well, fuck ‘em, eh? Who needs ‘em?” Tristan grinned and the two clinked classes again. They finished their pints and Dean shouted for more celebratory libations with whiskey.

After the whiskey, Tristan was feeling good. Cloud nine. “... and all you needed was a bit of time! Nothin’ wrong with that at all!” Dean was saying. Tristan dipped just below the clouds.

“I don’t really want to talk about that, Dean,” he said quietly, looking at his friend with a clear warning.

Dean ignored him. “I mean, girls get us all in a knot right? That bitch up and left you and of course that can fuck you up-”

“She’s not a bitch.” Dean stopped talking to see a very dangerous glare from his friend.

“Oi, I’m sorry. ‘Course not. Sorry.” Dean lifted one hand placation. Tristen nodded and stared into his whiskey glass. Fuck. This was the opposite of a good time. He promised himself he wouldn’t mention the break up or the weird seven month disappearance Tristan had gone on. He’d been so messed up that he’d almost lost his opportunity to present or finish his work. Dean still didn’t know where his friend had gone and Tristan had refused to tell anyone. All Dean knew was that something bad had happened between Tristan and his American girlfriend, Diane was it? She had left very suddenly and left ruin in her wake.

“Enough of that,” Dean said, straightening up and grinning at his friend. “You said something ‘bout a job offer already?”

Tristan shrugged and polished off his whiskey. Dean waved for another round. “Well, I do, but I don’t think I should take it.”

“Why not?”

“It’s out in California, with some firm I’ve never heard of.”

“California! Wow, now that might do you some good! Those California girls, mate. Did they offer you a signing bonus?” Tristan nodded and mumbled a very large number. Dean’s eyes went wide. “Mate, that’s an offer you shouldn’t refuse. Goddam, I’d sign that in a heartbeat!”

Tristan looked at Dean. “Would you?”

“‘Course! Set myself up in California? Fuck man, if you don’t want it send ‘em my way. What’s the problem?”

What was the problem? Tristen took a drink of whiskey. The man who’d made the offer made his instincts scream. It was nothing outright obvious. It was likely not something he would’ve noticed before he’d changed so much. But he’d felt it. The man was like oil. Tristen felt like he’d been watched by this man and that he knew far too much about his personal life. But the deal. This sign on bonus was enough to wipe away all his debt. It was enough to set him up in a new place far from bad memories. A new beginning.

“Diane lives out there now,” Tristen said finally. 

“Ah…” Dean nodded and polished off the whiskey. “That’d be a problem. But! California is huuuuge! Listen, the place is bigger than most European countries. You’d never run into her! You set yerself up, get into some fancy high payin’ Silicon Valley startup and chase a few California girls! You invite your best mate and hook him up just as nice!” Dean winked at Tristan.

“You selfish bastard!” Tristan grinned.

“I’ll drink to that!” The bartender set two fresh whiskey glasses before them and they raised their glasses and conversation trailed off into nonsense and laughing.

Hours later, Tristan had deposited Dean in the capable arms of his girlfriend at their apartment. His girlfriend had frowned at her drunken boyfriend but had offered a quiet congratulations for Tristan’s dissertation defense. She even offered tea and their couch for the night. As much as Dean talked about chasing skirts, he was loyal to this girl and Tristan was happy his remaining friend had her. She was one of those long haul girls who held little esteem to Tristan. He thanked her but he wanted to get home.

His own apartment wasn’t far away. He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and started the short walk home. The alcohol was already leaving him. He remembered how annoying it used to be to drag Dean home but now it was like tossing a kid over his shoulder.

In his apartment he stripped down and sat hard on his messy bed. He looked around at the disaster he lived in. “Creative chaos!” she called it. Hadn’t bothered her a bit. He reached into a drawer and pulled out the only picture he had left of them. They were at Disney in France. It was a candid picture a friend had taken, and they were both grinning like idiots. They’d just got off a roller coaster, his first one. 

He tossed the picture back onto his desk and leaned back with a sigh. He’d really fucked up. But it wasn’t all him. She could’ve tried harder too. But she had just packed everything up, quit her job, and move pretty much as far away from him as possible. It was for the better. If she had stayed? He might’ve really, really hurt her.

Absentmindedly, his right hand traced the scar on the left side of his torso. It didn’t hurt anymore. That bitch had gotten him good. Thought he was going to die for awhile. He still saw her hanging around sometimes. She always grinned at him like she owned him now. It’d be really fucking nice to get away from her. 

Dean was right. California was a big state. What were even the chances? He gave another glance around his shitty, dark, musty apartment. He could probably fill one suitcase with necessities and just trash the rest. What was he even going to do here? Nothing for him. A new beginning. He’d call the oily man in the morning.


	6. The Tower, The Sun, The Wheel, The Priestess and The Star

“I don’t know when I first noticed something was up,” Diane said, standing on a chair and rummaging through one of the most unruly closets Alexa has ever seen, “but that’s not really important.” Alexa was sitting on her floor at her coffee table, legs outstretched and leaning back. It was difficult to find a comfortable angle in Diane’s apartment, but this was good enough.

“I was getting enough hints from enough places. Ah! There you are. How’d you get up here?” Diane pulled out something from high on the shelf and as she stepped down off the chair, Alexa could hear items shifting and settling again. Diane placed the deck of cards on the table and settled down kitty corner to Alexa. Her face was no longer blotchy from crying and she seemed to have renewed energy. She pulled out the cards and started shuffling them. “Most people are under the mistaken impression that these’ll tell ‘em the future. That’s not entirely the case. They’re actual purpose is to reveal possible truths.” Alexa raised an eyebrow. “I know. Just, keep an open mind for me. If it gets too nonsensical let me know and I’ll rephrase. Try to, anyway.” She cut the cards, well worn with age and use, and placed three piles between them. “Pick three cards.”

Alexa decided now was not the time to question. She selected three cards randomly from each portion of the deck, and followed Diane’s indication to lay them flat. The cards were a bit faded, but Alexa read them easily enough. The Sun, The Wheel of Fortune, and The Tower. Diane nodded. She gathered the cards all together again, and reshuffled. She cut the deck again, this time in two. Alexa picked three cards randomly again, one from the right hand deck and two from the left and lay them flat. She blinked at them. The Wheel of Fortune, The Sun, The Tower. Diane gathered, shuffled and this time fanned the entire deck between them. Alexa hesitated, knowing that Diane wouldn’t trick her. She selected the same three cards again, in different order. 

Diane shifted into a different position. “I could keep going, but I think you get the point. This doesn’t happen when I do any other reading on any other person, not even for myself. After I met you and we became friends, whenever I tried to ask anything about the future, or what paths I should explore, these kept popping up over and over. Every path. At first, I thought the cards were just being cheeky with me, but this just kept appearing, even with other decks.”

“What does that mean?” Alexa asked.

“Well, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure.” She tapped The Sun card. “This was fairly obvious to me. This is potential, optimism, youth, warmth, new beginnings, and the conscious over the unconscious. This is something clearly associated with you, no doubt. It doesn’t surprise me that when we saw your light that it shines like the sun.”

Alexa wasn’t sure what to say. Diane continued, pulling The Tower closer to her. It looked ominous, a lightning bolt striking a tower, which was on fire with people falling against a dark sky. “This one is what concerns me. It’s not inherently bad or anything, just… it indicates violent, sudden, painful shifts. Destruction brought by revelation. An ivory tower crumbling. The collapse of old paradigms.” She moved The Sun next to it and the juxtaposition was obvious. “A strange combination, huh?”

“And these are associated with me?” Alexa couldn’t keep the doubt from her voice. 

Diane tilted her head and offered Alexa a half smile. “Is it so hard to believe? Look at how things have gone so far. The work that you do now. Think; if followed to it’s highest potential, pushed passed all boundaries, what could the outcome be?”

Alexa looked down at the two cards and thought. She’d worked her ass off to get to this university where she had access to resources no one in their right mind should trust her with. She was working on combining new materials for biological purposes. Sure, it was exciting stuff, especially to her, but pushed to its ultimate potential? Regrowing nerves, organ manufacturing, introducing non-organic materials to the body for unimaginable medical technology.

Diane motioned to gather the cards again. “You’re in the drudges of it now, immersed in the knitty gritty. I hear them talk about what you’re doing. A lot is riding on this research you do.” She was shuffling the cards again.

“What about the third one? The Wheel of Fortune?” 

Diane slid the deck to Alexa. “I’ll get to that one. Your turn.” 

“What?”

Diane pushed the cards closer. “Do me.”

Alexa hesitated. “I don’t really know anything about this.”

“Even better. That’s why these are such a good tool. The less you ‘know’ the more you need to ‘unknow’. Honestly, most of this is intuition. It’s listening to what you already know without white noise that constantly runs through our everyday life… Believe me I could wax poetic about this and we’ll both lose focus.” They shared a smile. “Just shuffle as long as you feel right to and offer me the cards however you please.”

With a shrug, Alexa followed her suggestion. The cards were slightly bigger than standard playing cards so she shuffled them awkwardly at first, but her fingers got used to them quickly. She then cut the deck into three uneven piles and placed them between them on the table. Diane picked three cards from the tops and lay them out to show Alexa. The Star, The High Priestess, and The Wheel of Fortune. 

“The High Priestess? Hm. I’m flattered,” Diane mumbled. “Usually they’re a bit more critical of me. But, I can roll with it.”

“Excuse me?”

Diane looked up from the cards, “oh. Uh. Sorry. I’m not used to doing this with someone else around. Anyway. The High Priestess. The inner voice, the unconscious, knowledge from intuition and divine feminine. She sits at the gate of Solomon’s Temple. The Star; one foot in the water and one on land, the far off sun, practical and common sense, often gathered intuitively from ‘soft’ sources. Constant energy from deep within.” Diane sounded deep in thought and more like she was talking to herself. Alexa wondered how she could get all this from the cards, but like she mentioned, it wasn’t hard to see how eerily these seemed to reflect her friend.

“And the Wheel?”

Diane looked up again and nodded as if to thank her for reminding her to focus. “La Rota Fortunae. This is where we meet. I won’t explain all the symbolism involved here, even though it’s one of my favorite cards. Choose two cards again, please.” Alexa obliged and somehow was not surprised that The Sun and The Tower reappeared. Diane lined both sets of cards with The Wheel in the middle. “Maybe when we have more time, god, do we ever have enough time? I could show you how this plays out in a broader scope, but you’ll have to roll with me here. This is the cycle of life, of never ending change. What goes up must come down. If you believe in it, it's fate or destiny. A crossroad. A huge shift is coming,” she pointed to The Tower. “The old is made new,” The Wheel and The High Priestess, “the rise of new paradigms guided by new discoveries,” The Sun and The Tower. “But, if we march forwarded, blind to the inner voice,” The Star, “we risk disaster, the fall and destruction of wisdom gathered,” The High Priestess and The Tower. An unforeseen cycle is started,” she pointed back to The Wheel, “and we must start over, and under the foot of those who wish us to enter stasis.”

Alexa was leaning forward. Something was stirring in her chest. She tried to name it, touch it and know it. It filled her with a strange urgency of purpose and action. The shining city on the sea. Waves crashing and sands ever-shifting. 

Diane watched the radiant excitement of possibility playing out in front of her. She, too, felt its pull and the warm glow of the city on the sea. It was overwhelming. Most people have and will be swept away in the tide before they realized they will drown. One foot in water, one on land. She resisted, but only just. She reached out and gently placed a hand on Alexa’s, and winced when she felt the inner burn before Alexa came back with a surprised jerk.

“I don’t want to put a damper on your enthusiasm, but I’ll have to show you how to keep from going to your light unintentionally.” She took her hand away. She indicated the cards, “as inspiring as the more positive connotations are here, this also hints at why more nefarious influences are after you. There are those who would happily see humans blinded by their own potential and watch us tear ourselves apart on the way there and as the ground collapses under us.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Diane said, gathering the cards up one last time, “no matter how I look or where I look, you are at the crux of something much bigger than we can guess.” She stamped the cards on the table lightly, to neaten out the deck. “They have been using me and others to find their way to you and will try and influence you to leap before you look. You may make it to the other side, but the world may not be able to.” She gave the cards another gentle tamp on the coffee table and one card stuck up at an odd angle. Diane’s brow creased and she pulled it out. Her eyes went wide with surprise and then narrowed with suspicion. The Moon?

“What is it?”

Diane sighed and pushed the card back in place. “The deck is being cheeky again. It was a warning, but nothing to be concerned about.”


	7. Unruly Science

“Now this really doesn’t make any sense,” Alexa muttered as she examined the results of the last test. She glared at the screen. “This literally shouldn’t be possible.” She straightened up and leaned away from the display and closed her eyes. What was she doing wrong?

She peeked open one eye to see if somehow the screen would show her something else. It didn’t of course, but she sighed in disappointment anyway. This was the second run of this solution and protein combination. One of the postdocs who left two years ago had left barely legible notes indicating that if she followed certain steps, she would be able to get a certain yield. Without the amount of protein, she could move past this point in her research. Alexa, even her supervisor, had tried to contact the post-doc who left the notes, but it was like they’d fallen off the face of the earth.

Alexa pulled off the gloves she wore while working in the lab and rubbed her face. Not the best decision because she hated the smell of latex, but god she was tired. She got up and walked to the sink to wash her hands and while she was drying her hands she looked around the center of her world for the past two years. No one else was in just then, it was between five or six on a Sunday afternoon. She liked having the lab to herself. She didn’t mind the company of the other students, but right now she appreciated the quiet broken only by the hum of instrumental white noise. 

Allowed to wander, her mind trailed off to the earlier events of this weekend. It felt so surreal. It was tempting to dismiss. A really odd, terrible dream, right? But she knew it was real, just as real as the lab around her. What had Diane said? Like very unruly science? Somehow framing it as energy used to influence change didn’t seem far fetched. That’s what Alexa was trying to do, really, right? Basic physics. Apply energy to matter and cause some kind of change. Alexa shrugged and stretched, reaching high and feeling her body strain. She needed to focus.

She made her way back to her corner of the lab; a computer, a chair, and two drawers to store her papers. She pulled out the notes left by the postdoc and leaned over it and read it again. Why didn’t this person type their notes, or at least right in pen? The notes scribbled in pencil were fading and she couldn’t make out most of the diagrams. Alexa closed her eyes again and tried to clear her mind. She just needed to get past this hurdle. Crash through like a wave on the shore or cliff face…

When Alexa was younger, she was afraid of the dark. Her mom had told her that if she was ever scared, especially of the dark and couldn’t sleep, to listen for the ocean. The sound of waves or even the muffled noise you hear while you swim under water. Just picture the ocean, and know nothing can hold it back, and nothing will hold you back either. Alexa smiled. It was one of the nicer things she could remember about growing up. 

She felt that pull again. She opened her eyes in surprise, but closed them again. She wanted to follow it like before. In that moment she needed to see it again, that shining city and feel that call to action. Alexa waited, patiently feeling out the ebb and following through to the source. 

It was astounding. She saw it in sharper detail now. A city just beyond her reach, seeming to be lit by an light of it’s own. She heard, or rather felt, the call to action. You need only take the materials before you and shape them in your image, and the purpose of actions will be revealed. Bring us to new heights… raise us from beneath the sea…

The door to the lab unlocked and Alexa opened her eyes, startled. One of the other students who worked the lab called out a greeting and Alexa nodded vaguely. She straightened up and glanced down at the notes she’d pulled out. They were useless. She’d find no answers there. Ignoring the other student she made her way to the freezer where the cultures were stored. She would start again, but this time, she would do it her way.

Diane surveyed her work with satisfaction. The white candle burned bright on top of the small, sealed jar and the scent of copal filled her apartment. “This’ll do the trick!” She said as she leaned back until she lay flat on her floor between altar and her bed, sighing as her back straightened. Her altar took up most of her closet; an impressive collection of shelves and cubbies filled with dried herbs, candle stumps, jars, and bones. She kept it in her closet to keep it private and away from prying eyes. 

She stared up at the ceiling, letting her mind drift. She’d done more working in the past three days than the past several months combined. A slight frown clouded her face. Doing this much, this quickly, and with mostly her own energy was not her ideal way of going about such things. Diane sighed again, more deeply this time, and rested her eyes. She had to be careful, or she’d get as bad as her cousin.

She wiggled her fingers, then her toes. Another thought worried her. While she felt tired, but it was no more or less than normal, working-full-time-while-attending-school, tired. The banishment at the church alone would normally taken a good week to bring her back to standard, but she could already feel the well of her inner light almost brimming full. “Must be because I used Alexa’s light,” she murmured, but that didn’t fully satisfy her. 

Diane rolled over and pushed herself up to hands and knees and sat back on her heels. There was still so much work to do, so much to put in place. She gently lifted the jar with the candle still burning on top of it to place it on her main altar to finish burning. This was her preferred way; using the energy and purpose of organic materials to guide her intentions. This way require far less personal power; like using flint and tinder to start a steady fire rather than gasoline and fireworks. 

She stood and moved out of her room and back towards the larger living space of her apartment. Her stomach grumbled and she rubbed it absently. No time to eat just yet, she needed to finish grading before going to Parvati’s place. Diane knew the other girl would still be sleeping so she had some time to kill. Once the protection jar was done she would pay Parvati a visit. Diane didn’t know her all that well. Diane was still getting used to her new life and hadn’t really branched out and meet new people. But Alexa had a way of bringing certain people to her, and usually these people were worth getting to know.

As she sat down at her desk, she tucked her legs up and pulled herself closer and opened her laptop. Skype was still open and there was a new message waiting for her. It had to wait, she decided, and went to minimize it when the name caught her attention. One of her English friends had sent her several messages. She hesitated. Part of her wanted to see what was going on, but she shook her head. No. Not right now. She needed to do actual work and damn it she was going to do just that. Everything else would wait. Forever. Or at least until Monday. She opened the university online submission portal and lost herself to grading undergrad essays.


	8. Tea and Salt

Parvati cautiously opened her door and looked out. “Hey!” Diane, smiling brightly, “I figured you might not be feeling too good so…” she held up a tote bag, “I brought a recovery kit.” Parvati stared at the other girl, whose smile was cracking. Parvati nodded and opened the door and let Diane in.

Parvati’s apartment was tidy and well maintained. She’d been there for several years and over time the harsh edges of sterility were worn away and replaced with simple, cozy space. She was wearing rumpled clothing and looked for all intents and purposes like someone with a terrible hangover and the flu. She sat and the small table in the kitchen and watched silently as Diane placed the tote bag on the counter and started unpacking. Diane paused only long enough to ask if she had a kettle, which she found by investigation rather than from an answer from Parvati. When all was said and done, Diane lay a spread of cheese, crackers, and strawberries. She pulled out a tin of cookies and sat down opposite her host. 

Parvati stared at Diane as the other woman helped herself. Eventually, she reached out and grabbed a strawberry and looked down at the counter. “I made the cookies,” Diane said, motioning to them with one hand, “it’s an old family recipe from my Great Aunt Mae. They always make me feel better.” Parvati took one but didn’t take a bight. Diane got up and prepared tea for both of them and settled again. She took a long sip and waited patiently until Parvati followed suit. 

“How much do you remember?” Diane asked finally, placing her mug of tea down on the table. Parvati’s eyes darted up and back down to the table. Diane waited through the silence with practiced patience. 

“Enough,” Parvati said after a long, potent silence. Diane nodded and sipped her tea. Parvati nibbled a cookie and continued to stare at the table top. 

“The tea’ll help, too.”

Parvati glanced over to her own mug and took it hesitantly. She sipped and then drank earnestly. Diane continued to wait, because she really was unsure how much Parvati could remember of her brief time as a host to the spirit. Parvati, as any person could rightly be expected to, could interpret the whole thing in completely rational way; drinking too much, fever dreams, being drugged… Diane didn’t want to cause any more damage by revealing more than absolutely necessary. 

Parvati finished her tea. She was sitting a little straighter and when Diane got up to fix more, she turned around to see Parvati was covering her face with her hands. “Oh god, she’s going to hate me,” and she shuddered. Diane winced, but finished preparing another cup of tea, this time she added sugar.

“I doubt it,” Diane replied, placing the tea before Parvati and sitting again. 

“What I did… what I was about to do…” Parvati’s voice was muffled from behind her hands.

“Which was…?” Diane asked, leaning forward slightly.

Parvati took a deep breath and let her hands drop. “I honestly don’t know. It was like it wasn’t even me. Like someone was in my mind and knew everything I knew and-” and she stopped, looking up at Diane with alarm. “I mean, that’s crazy-”

“If it’s any comfort,” Diane said cautiously, “I’m very certain Alexa won’t blame you in any way. And, if you’re worried about anything that was revealed by actions not under your control,” Parvati’s eyes went wide and her face flushed, “you aren’t the first to have your feelings for her exploited.”

Parvati closed her eyes and slumped forward, with her elbows on the table and she rested her face in her hands again. Diane bit her lip and resisted trying to offer a comforting pat on the shoulder. She wanted to do something to ease the situation, but beyond tea and food she wasn’t sure what she should do with the girl she didn’t know very well. So she waited, hoping that respecting the silence would show she was open to any support that she may want.

“How did you know?”

“Know…?”

“About… how I felt about Alexa? I don’t even really know myself.”

“Oh.” Diane shifted and moved both hands to circle her cooling cup of tea. “Well, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but, I know it when I see it because I’ve seen it often and I’ve also had my share of those feelings towards her.”

Parvati dropped her hands and raised an eyebrow. Diane tried to keep up a nonchalant posture, but her fingers were fiddling nervously with her mug. Parvati sat up and took another bit of cheese. “How long have you two known each other anyway?”

“Hm… well. Prob’ly ‘bout fourteen, fifteen years? God, that makes us sound old.” A smile flashed across Parvati’s face. “Something like that.”

“And you two never dated or…”

Diane smiled and shook her head. “Nope. Just friends.”

“Why haven’t you two? Just curious,” Parvati asked as she selected a cookie from the tin. 

Well, she’s eating and talking. A good sign. Diane didn’t really want to go down this conversation. She wasn’t sure it was her place to say it. But, if it was going to help Parvati accept what happened to her and leave her flexible in the future in case things got very weird, Diane would take one for the team.

“A number of reasons. Primarily,” Diane also grabbed a cookie and munched on it, “because she’s very good at knowing the difference between affection, infatuation, compatibility, and love. Early on, I’ll admit it now, I was just swept away that someone was even noticing me let alone actively pursuing a friendship.” Diane sipped her tea and sighed. “I was young, foolish, dazed and confused,” she said wistfully and smiled when Parvati snickered. “She was brilliant, energetic, and, most of all, thoughtful.” 

Parvati finished her tea and was eating a bit of everything now. “So, what happened?”

“Oh, I pined for awhile. As teens do. Time passed and I thought there was something there, so, I well…” Diane smiled, embarrassed, “I made a bit of a fool of myself.”

Parvati frowned and glanced down again. Diane could see that she was thinking about what she could remember from the other night. “I was lonely. I felt like no one really cared except for Alexa.” Parvati blushed. “I think we all do crazy things that we wouldn’t normally do, that don’t reflect our actual self, when we feel alone. We want to fill that hole with anything we can, just to feel something,” Diane looked down into her empty mug. In the pause that followed, Diane tried to keep focused on the present moment and not awkward memories.

“I was engaged once,” Parvati said quietly. Diane’s eyebrows went up with surprise. “It was arranged, to a friend I’d grown up with. He was nice, but he never pushed things forward. He was just going through the motions. Our parents wanted us to get married since we were fourteen, so I never bothered to think of any other possibilities, you know? Until I got into this place, this program. What I get to do here, I get to push limits,” Parvati smiled and ate another cookie. “And I met Alexa.”

“Going through the motions is certainly not her way,” Diane said, her eyes reflecting mischief.  
Parvati snickered. “Certainly not!”

“So, to answer your initial question. I know it when I see it, because it happens often. Alexa’s just got that way of… waking people up? And, well, emotions do all sorts of things to our better judgment.”

Parvati took a deep breath and let it out. “Still, it’s not an excuse. How can I even talk to her now?”

Diane paused and thought. It seemed to her that Parvati was more concerned with her perceived responsibility for what happened. If this was how she saw it, Diane wouldn’t argue with her or try to convince her otherwise. Which was worse; feeling responsible for something you couldn’t control or realizing you had no control at all?

“All I can say to that is to think on it. Don’t let it pull you down and push someone you care about away because you feel you made a mistake,” Diane leaned forward, “have faith in her, in yourself.” 

Parvati looked at this odd woman and was taken aback by her earnestness. Before now, she honestly wasn’t sure what to make of this old friend of Alexa. Her initial impression was that Diane wasn’t entirely present or aware of what was going on around her; quiet and shy, seemingly two steps behind any given moment or conversation. But in this moment, she could sense that something more than words was being said. A bright, silvery light flashed across her memory and a moment of clarity cut through her mind.

“You- stopped it, didn’t you?” Parvati asked, confused, “that… thing.”

Diane sat up and, after a moment, nodded. “With help.”

“Thank you,” Parvati whispered, as tears suddenly welled in her eyes. She saw hesitation cross Diane’s face.

“You don’t have to remember it, if you don’t want to.”

Parvati shook her head. “No, I don’t want to, but I think I have to.”

Diane reached into her tote bag and placed something between them on the table. “If you want, I can leave this with you.” It was a small jar; the lid covered in white, melted wax, and seemingly full of salt and other things Parvati couldn’t discern. “If you keep it on your windowsill, it can help prevent it from coming back or any new ones from bothering you. But, you have to leave it visible on your windowsill. You’ll have to remember so that it doesn’t slip in the gaps in your memory.”

Parvati met Diane’s gaze. She nodded once. After Diane left, she picked up the jar and again, felt the memory of that silver light that broke the shadow’s grip on her mind and body. She turned and pulled aside the curtains and sunlight beamed in. Parvati placed the jar squarely in the middle of the sill. She wouldn’t forget.


	9. Burning Too Bright

“Um, hey, Alex?” Alexa nodded vaguely but didn’t turn around. “Dude, are you ok?” 

“Hm?” Alexa jerked up, and glanced over her shoulder. “Yeah, why?”

“Have you left the lab at all today?” Max asked, and Alexa frowned. What did he want?

“No. I’m a bit busy…”

“Alex,” another voice called and Alexa started, turned around in surprise. Her advisor, Dr. Su Lin was standing by the other student, a worried look on her face. “I checked the logs earlier. Have you left at all since Tuesday?”  
Alexa straightened and smiled, “yeah, of corse. I grabbed lunch.”

“You do know it’s Wednesday, and that it’s almost 7:00 p.m., right? According to the logs, you’ve been here since 5:00 a.m. Tuesday morning,” Su Lin said. “I thought maybe it was a login error but… you should probably go home.”

Alexa blinked. Wednesday? She turned back to the monitor and saw that the results she was waiting for had loaded. “Yes! I finally got it!” She turned excitedly to Su Lin, and waved her over. “Is this the right yield?” Su Lin and the other student looked at each other. Su Lin approached and looked at the monitor. She squinted and pulled her glasses from where they were holding her hair back. 

She smiled and pushed back her glasses, “I need a closer look, but it looks like it.”

“I’ll email it to you. I can start mapping out the process as well. I ditched the postdoc’s notes-” Alexa stopped when Su Lin raised her hand to halt her.

“This is great work, but go home. I know you’ve been working on this for awhile and it’s very exciting that it went through, but go home. It’s not good to work like this. Get some rest.”

Alexa frowned, and almost argued, but Su Lin gave her the look. I’m the sage advisor. Do as I advise or I will put you on more lab cleaning duty and make you grade more undergrad homework. Alexa sighed and nodded. She started gathering up her stuff and copied the results to her flash drive. She swiped out of the lab and headed home.

Su Lin sighed and stood up. “Thank you, Max, for bringing this to my attention. These aren’t good habits to develop.”

Max nodded and stepped up to the monitor. “Did he really get the yield?”

Su Lin turned and examined the results again. “Hm… well, yes, but this is strange,” she pointed to figures displayed next to the image. “This doesn’t appear to be accurate. Or at least, for the required yield that can be produced here.” Max looked where Su Lin was pointing and tilted his head in confusion. “Well, I’ll email these to myself and take a look later. I’m sure Alex will still send me notes when she gets home.”

Alexa walked home with a bounce in her step. She knew she’d done it, and done it well. She had the needed yield and could finally move on with the research. Even Max’s interruption and casual lapse in her name didn’t bother her now. Her mind whirled with the possibilities of what could come next. She would write out the steps from her notes and start drafting the presentation for the group tonight and maybe start outlining for that grant she’d been putting off… Alexa hardly noticed unlocking the door to her building and passing Parvati’s room until she heard her name called.

“Alexa! Hey!” Parvati called from the open door to the main hallway, “we thought you were home! Want to join us?”

Alexa stopped and saw Parvati standing at her stove, cooking. It smelt rich and aromatic and the suddenly her stomach tightened almost painfully with hunger. “Alexa?” another familiar voice called, and she noticed Diane sitting at the small kitchen table. She put down a nearly empty wine glass and squinted at the tall girl in the hallway. “Are you ok?”

She stared into the apartment. What was Diane doing in Parvati’s apartment? The lighting was low inside, and it was jarring to Alexa’s eyes and they struggled to adjust from the glare of light in the hallway. Parvati stopped stirring the pot and was now giving Alexa’s a concerned look. “Um. Yeah, I’m fine. Think I’ll just put my stuff down though…” she replied and walked passed the open door to her own apartment. When was she last here? She glanced around and saw the same pile of clean laundry from the weekend and the same clean dishes from Monday not put away. God, she was starving. She turned to open the fridge and found Diane poking her head in cautiously from the half open door from the hallway.

“Mind if I come in?” Alexa shook her head and went into the fridge. “We thought you were sleeping, because you didn’t answer when we knocked. Or respond to the texts we sent.”

“Oh, sorry. I was at the lab. I finally got that yield! I’m gonna start writing up the notes-”

“Alexa,” Diane’s voice was low, like she was talking to a spooked horse “you’re shakin’.”

She paused. She was reaching for a bottle of juice and she saw it. She was trembling. “Uh… that’s um…” her voice trailed off when she realized, with alarm, that it wasn’t just her hand, it was her whole body. She stood and the fridge door shut.

Diane flipped on the kitchen light. She moved around Alexa and grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. Handing it to her, Diane waved to the sofa for Alexa to sit. “Be right back,” and she left, returning momentarily with a plate of rice. “The curry isn’t ready yet, but eat something.” Alexa nodded and with more enthusiasm than she intended, ate the plain rice. “Alexa, what did you do?”

“I apparently worked a solid 26 hours in the lab.” As she said it, she realized what that meant. “Shit…”

“Well, that explains why you look like crap and kind of smell,” Diane said.

“Oh, wow, thanks?” Alexa said, polishing off the rice. “Harsh.” She turned to her friend, who was sitting in her desk chair with her legs pulled up to her chest. She realized that Diane was staring at her vacantly and it sent shivers over her still shaking body. She looked like a judging gargoyle.

“You tapped into it, didn’t you? Your inner light?” Diane she said, again her voice was quiet. 

Alexa wondered. When she thought about it, the time in the lab was a blur. She remembered the bad sample, the post-doc’s notes, and then… “Yeah. I think I did.”

Diane sighed and let her legs unfurl. “You can’t go tappin’ it willy nilly. ‘S not a good idea. You go messin’ with it and you don’t have control over it, it’ll run you down.” Diane plopped down on the floor before her and looked up at her. She waved Alexa down and patted the floor between them. Alexa reluctantly slid down to join her.

“Diane, are you drunk?”

“Hm? No, ‘course not. I’m merely tipsy. If I were drunk,” she said as she sat down on the floor, “I’d feel much better than I do.” Alexa balked. Before she could speak, Diane started again, “‘s my fault. I should’ve been better about following up. I was just so worried about Parvati. I’m sorry about that.” She closed her eyes and opened them once more, again with that vacant expression. “Fuck, you pulled out way, way too much. I see it all over you.”Alexa shifted and frowned. She wasn’t trembling as much now, but instead felt a restless urge to move, to do, to get back to what she needed to finish. 

“Well, have to do somethin’ ‘bout it,” Diane frowned and leaned forward. “Man, wish we could go back to my place, could do this properly. But…” she blushed and looked away, “shit.” Alexa’s brows creased. She’d only experienced a tipsy Diane once, indirectly, when she’d sent a string of very silly texts from England. Also, wasn’t it a Wednesday? Why would she be drinking on a Wednesday for? Alexa started to ask again but Diane cut her off. “Well! Can’t do anything about that. Lessee. Don’t suppose you got anything we could put the excess energy into, hm?” 

“What do you mean?”

“Gotta pull off the excess or you’ll just keep burnin’ until you really hurt yourself. And since it’s energy of a sort, you can’t just send it out or destroy it, gotta put it to some purpose of store it away for later.” 

Alexa tilted her head in thought. “Like a battery? You can do that?” Her mind raced with this idea. Storing this for later? She could use it to get so much done! She’d been so tired lately, and she was still so behind on the research- 

“Stop!” Diane’s voice snapped Alexa back. “Don’t make it worse!” Alexa stared at her, shocked at the anger in Diane’s voice.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” she said shaking her head. “I didn’t mean to snap. Just… stay with me here. You started to pull on it again and you’re shakin’ again, see?” Diane pointed to Alexa’s hands, which were resting in her lap. But she was trembling again, as if she hadn’t ate at all. Diane held out her hand and Alexa hesitantly let her own hand rest on Diane’s. Alexa could see the trembling more clearly when she saw how stable and Diane’s were. Her friend pulled gently and using her other hand, checked her pulse. “Jesus,” she whispered. “Ok, I guess we don’t have a choice. I’ll just have to take it and figure out what to do later.”


	10. Voice and Nature

“Now, Diane and Mason,” the old woman said, her voice a slow and deliberate drawl, the name coming out as Dee-ann, “one of the things you gotta know ‘bout it is that our inner light reflects our true nature,” she leaned forward and tapped the girl’s chest where her heart beat. “It’s a light, sure, but that don’t make it pure.”

Diane tilted her head in confusion as she looked up at her Great Aunt Mae, sitting in an ancient chair on the porch. Her cousin Mason sat apart, legs dangling over the edge of the porch and only turned around slightly when he heard his name. It was the late end of the afternoon and the hottest part of the day and the only relief came from the slight stirring of the breeze as it moved past the small cabin. 

The old woman leaned back and nodded. She picked up the paring knife and went back to shelling peas. “You know your Bible stories, right?” Diane nodded and Mason swung his legs around and faced the other two. “Know the story of the Garden of Eden?” Another nod. “Then you know that humans got an inherent need for knowledge. Lord, do we got a hunger for it. We see in that story that knowledge is innocence lost - that knowin’ ourselves comes at a cost. The light inside us? It’s a kinda knowledge, maybe the oldest knowin’ we know. We use it every day, without really thinkin’ on it. Keeps us goin’, gives us fire and strength. But when we find it inside and then use it for a purpose? Well, great things can come from it child.” Great Aunt Mae paused and her weathered features seemed to smooth for a moment, lost in memory.

“But?” Mason asked, leaning forward, squinting at the old woman suspiciously. 

Great Aunt Mae looked down at her great-niece and great-nephew sitting on the porch, their young faces filled with cautious curiosity. She could see the difference between them so plainly; Mason was already showing ambition and promise for power and an eagerness to learn. Diane, with her far away, vacant eyes reflecting more that revealing what was going on in her young mind. She could see their lights. Diane’s was a silver glimmer – it waxed and waned, shimmered and flowed; almost a textbook definition of lunar influence. Unfortunately, even now, Mae could sense the dark smudges on the glow. The girl would need discipline and a strong sense of self if she was to survive. Mason was brass and copper – molten like cooling man-made metals and alloys; some underlining solar influence, but not as direct as his cousin’s lunar pull. His was more prone to control and tempering, he would master it early and be cocky for it. In the softer part of her heart, Mae wished she could do something for both to change it, but she knew everyone must take on the consequences of their actions some way or another. They were both going to act selfishly and there was no way to avoid it.

“But, like I said, that light is a kind of knowledge. It’s a loss of innocence to our true selves; once you know it, you can’t unknow it. It’s a fire to light a way and to burn those who use it. It’s not pure and all good or all bad ‘cause we ain’t all good or all bad. In time, you gotta face what defines you and most of the time that’ll be somethin’ you want to deny,” she leaned forward, reading the faces of her niece; contemplative, and her nephew; wide eyed with wonder. “Thing ‘bout humans is that we got ugly side to us - we’re messy beings capable of just ‘bout anything. It’s our strength and our fault. We got kicked outta Eden for it, learnin’ our true nature.”

“Now, some say we should be repent about it. Should beg forgiveness for bein’ what we are. Or, some put on airs like they’re all pure, high and mighty. They’re afraid of their true nature ‘cause it’s not clear cut. Makes ‘em fear those who own up to what they are. So, both of you, remember that. Remember that your inner light reflects who you are. Don’t flinch from it. Don’t deny or cover it up. When you face that light, and use it to do great and terrible things, know it for what it is and it won’t burn you. You command it and it will move to your call. If you don’t, or you forget who you are, it’ll consume you ‘till nothin’ left but a husk and dust. That’s the price of knowledge, any knowledge.”

*******

Mae found her later that night sitting in front of the dying fire, knees hugged to her chest. The girl wasn’t asleep, but staring at the embers in the fireplace. “What’s wrong, Dee-ann?” she asked quietly as she moved from the doorway between the living room and kitchen. “It’s way past bedtime for little nibblets.”

Diane looked up and watched her Great Aunt Mae move to the old sofa behind her. When Aunt Mae patted the spot beside her, Diane stood and shuffled over and sat next to the old lady. She smelt the musky rose smell of her Aunt, the smell that Mason made fun of behind Aunt Mae’s back. Diane didn’t mind it. They sat quietly for a few moments and Diane could hear the cabin settling. “I can’t sleep,” she said quietly.

“Ah, well, I guessed as much, hm?”

Diane smiled despite herself. She knew her parents and a lot of the adults whispered mean things about the old lady, but she was concluding that she liked her, with her cutting tongue and teasing winks. She just wished she like being in the cabin, too. “I hear… stuff. And I can’t sleep.”

Mae nodded. “Does it scare you, child?”

Diane shifted on the sofa. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just hard to sleep at night because of it.” Then she frowned. “I don’t like it when I hear my name though.”

“Naturally. That’d be difficult to sleep through. But,” Mae lifted her arm and the girl slid up close, and for a moment Mae remembered her own daughter and she smiled, “there’s nothin’ here that’ll hurt you, dear. I make sure of that.” Something in the old woman’s tone made Diane believe it. “Is that what’s really bothering you, child?”

Diane bit her lip. She wasn’t sure what to say. No other adult she knew listened to her like this. Great Aunt Mae didn’t give her those looks the other adults did when she tried to explain some experience to them. Great Aunt Mae knew. “No… Mason says he can’t hear anything. Says I’m crazy.”

“Well, perhaps you are. Or perhaps he’s a spoiled brat.” The old woman heard the startled snicker from the girl. “He won’t be able to hear ‘em. Not unassisted anyway. You have different gifts, that’s all. You’ll both learn some of the same things, but do things differently and in your own time.”

The girl sighed with relief. She didn’t want to be crazy. But what her aunt said intrigued her. “Different how?”

Mae smiled and hugged the girl. “That’s for another time. You need to sleep!” Diane hugged her Great Aunt tighter at the mention of sleep. She placed a gnarled hand on her niece’s head. “I can help you get to sleep if you like, just tonight though.” Diane leaned back and in the faint light from the embers in the fireplace, Mae saw her curious expression. Mae stood up slowly wincing slightly at the stiffness in her knees. “Get comfy here child and I’ll show up a little trick.” Diane, interested, did as she was told and pulled the throw blanket around her and lay down. “Now, everyone’s inner light is different, so it lends to different talents. I’m going to share just a hint of mine with you so you can sleep easy.” She held out placed her hand on the girl’s head once more and told her to close her eyes. Diane obeyed, resisting the urge to peek from one eye.

It was cool at first, and Diane thought for a moment that her aunt had brought over a wet washcloth to place on her head. “You’re lucky, dear. I wouldn’t be able to do this as easily with your cousin. He’s got a warmer nature and I’d have to work harder to match with him.”

“Match?”

“Hush, you’re supposed to go to sleep.” Diane hushed. Her body felt heavier, and she realized maybe she was very tired after all. The cooling feeling was spreading. “Certain natures match better than others. Don’t go doing this anytime soon, I will have to teach you how to do it.” Diane sighed and sank deeper into that cooling feeling. She saw glimpses, like freeze frames from a dream, of green growing things. She felt soft, long grass under her feet; sun filtering through leaves on tall trees. She smelt wet earth and flowers and could almost hear water flowing in a creek. Her breathing began to even out. “Dee-ann, you must be careful of people whose light is drastically different than yours,” said the old woman quietly. Diane was asleep, though, a slight smile on her face. Mae pulled her hand away and sighed. So much to teach both of them and so little time. She hovered over the girl for a moment before shuffling back off to her own bed, her mind troubled.


	11. Bitter Sweet

Diane barely made it to the toilet in time to vomit. She heaved for a while and grabbed toilet paper to wipe her mouth. “Fuck,” she whispered as she pushed away from the toilet in Alexa’s bathroom. She sighed as she leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes.

Alexa was asleep on her sofa, completely out. Diane had a feeling that would happen. Alexa had been running on nearly pure light for almost a full day; once that was lifted her physical body would remind her of her actual limits. She had resisted at first, but when the energy had started to flow away, Diane could feel her friend’s relief as she drew away the excess.

Diane could taste bile at the back of her throat. The sensible part of her mind, sounding like her mother’s voice, was ranting about how reckless and dangerous this was. Energy work and wine? What was she thinking? Diane frowned and swallowed. She had to focus. Alexa’s energy was barely contained, and her subconscious was the only thing keeping it back long enough for Diane to stumble to the bathroom and try to force out as much of the alcohol she could. She took a rattling breath and tried to sink into her own light for strength.

If the first time was like touching a stovetop turned to high, this was a house fire. She bit her lip to keep in the scream. She tried to bare down on it, but even as she did she knew it was useless. It flooded out from her core and she could only ride it out.

She bent over to the side as bile rise and she threw up again, likely getting some on herself. Her throat seized and she couldn’t breathe. She coughed and her throat cleared briefly and she took a deep gulp of air. She gritted her teeth and tried again to stem the flood. Her body shook and panic clouded her mind as she heaved again and more came up. She was going to be in very bad trouble if she didn’t get a grip. She felt mind slipping back within and she fought to surface again.

Later, when she was sober and sensible, she would look back on this and wonder how she did it. She needed something solid to focus on if she was going to ride this out. This was Alexa, she reminded herself, this was a bit of her inner nature. Alexa never pushed her beyond what she could handle, even unintentionally. Diane clamped down on this thought. She felt the heat stop for a moment. Diane, sensing her chance, followed this thought and a memory popped up and she clung to it.

_She was fifteen. They were at Alexa’s house and in her room and she was showing her a new video game. It was warm and sunny outside, and they had the house to themselves. She was quiet and finding it difficult to pay attention. Alexa hit pause and turned to her. “What’s wrong?”_

Diane groaned. Not this one. Why this memory? Of all the times she could call up, it had to be this one. But she sensed the fire underneath, waiting for a chance to burn wild again. She resigned herself to it and focused again.

_She couldn’t remember exactly what she said. But Alexa turned to her with full attention and the soft understanding on her face threw Diane off. “I could show you, if it’s important to you,” she said softly. Diane froze. She didn’t know what to do. Her heart hammered in her chest. This was not what she’d anticipated. Alexa was frank, bold, teasing, and was supposed to tell her she was being silly and they would both laugh. But here she was, a slight flush to her cheeks and meeting her gaze. Diane nodded despite some far of voice warning her. Alexa smiled, but it wasn’t her usual grin._

The fire burned down her spine as she remembered her first kiss and she wished she would vomit again instead. She didn’t like dwelling on this. It was embarrassing and painful because where it ended up leading. Her mind distorted it into something it wasn’t; sometimes she remembered Alexa’s hand tangling into her hair as they kissed, sometimes they went further than that. As the energy flooded her nerves it followed her thoughts and she saw the various versions of this memory flash continuously and out of her control. She didn’t want this. She wanted to remember how it actually went – a soft, chaste kiss, a friend doing a solid for another friend, a favor. Two silly young girls doing a silly, relatively innocent thing. But no, the heat from Alexa’s light poured into the memory and as it did, it mellowed into a sweet warmth. _Fuck_. Diane wanted it to be over. She was getting tired. That feeling of pleasurable pain, of bones being broken and reset, was lulling her to sleep. She felt tears well up under her closed eyelids. She was tired, and she didn’t want to fight it anymore.

* * *

-Hey Diane!

-I hope things are going ok over there in the States! I know you must be super busy, but we should really talk! I’ve got so much to catch you up on. Let me know when you got a few minutes, yeah?

Heather: Monday, 6:17pm.

Read 8:22pm. 

-Diane, are you there?

-We should really talk. Nothing wrong or anything, but, just… let me know when.

Heather: Tuesday, 2:43 am.

Read: Wednesday, 7:15 am.

 

\- Heather! Sorry I didn’t get back to you. I’ve been super busy here.

\- So much is going on. I do wanna catch up! How about today, 6:30ish my time?

\- Miss you!

Diane: Wednesday, 7:20 am.

Read: Wednesday, 12:00 pm.

 

-Hey! Ok, so I can’t make that time. But, I think you should know this. Rumor has it that Tristan got a job offer. I hear from Dean’s girlfriend that some American offered this unbelievable position at a firm in California.

\- Now, I don’t know where in California. But knowing his research, it’s probably somewhere close to that university you’re at now.

\- I’m sorry to drop this on you. I can talk Friday if you’d like. I just… thought you should know. I didn’t tell him or anybody else which uni you moved to, btw.

\- I don’t think he knows. Maybe it’s not a big deal. But I have to go.

Heather: Wednesday, 3:07 pm.

Read: Wednesday, 5:37 pm


End file.
